There's More Than One Way to Fail a Listen Check
}} Belkar is of no help whatsoever. Cast * Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶ * Mr. Scruffy ◀ ▶ * Three Prostitutes Transcript Human Prostitute: Hey, good lookin', how about a party? Lizardfolk Prostitute #1: Once you go scaly, you'll be back daily. Lizardfolk Prostitute #2: How about the best of both worlds, baby? Roy: No thanks, I think just the visual image you present has sent my libido back into its cave for six more weeks of winter. Belkar: Sorry, ladies. Human Prostitute: Face it, girlfriend, you shouldn't have spent all your savings on those implants. Lizardfolk Prostitute #1: Yeah, who ever heard of a reptile with boobs? Ridiculous! Lizardfolk Prostitute #2: I was just trying to stay current! Roy: Belkar, are we almost there? I'd like to get what I need and get back. Belkar: Well, you would almost be there if you weren't so picky. Roy: Picky? Belkar: Yeah, that was like the 15th hooker you've turned down. Roy: What? Belkar, I didn't ask you to find a prostitute for me! Belkar: I know, but I don't think we have time to find someone to give you that "sex taint" you asked me about for free. Roy: Sextant, Belkar! I asked you to find a place where I could get a sextant! Belkar: Right, a sex taint. And if you would just hurry up and pick someone to rub down your potion factory for you, we can get back to the others. Roy: No, it's—A sextant is a navigational tool, it reads the altitude of the sun or the stars so you can figure out where you are. Roy: Shojo gave me the coordinates for Girard's Gate that Soon left behind when he founded the Sapphire Guard, but I need a map, some almanacs, and a sextant to make any sense of them— Roy: —especially since the Gate is in the middle of the desert, where there are no landmarks. Roy: Now you told me you could lead me to what I needed. Is that true or not? Belkar: Hey, when I said that, I thought you were looking for whores. Navigational tools are a lot less aromatic. Roy: Fine. I'll find a cartographer myself, then. Belkar: A what? Roy: A cartographer. If I could find one in this town, I'm sure they'd have everything we need there. Belkar: You know what? I'm going to find that for you, Roy. Because I'm the party tracker, that's my job, right? Belkar: So just relax while I lead you right to a— Roy: ... Roy: This is a cart of gophers, isn't it? Belkar: I wasn't sure what you're using them for, so I also had the dealer throw in a wagon of chinchillas. Belkar: You know, as backup. D&D Context * The title points out that a character can fail a Listen check by not hearing the sound, but also by mis-hearing the sound. Trivia * The Chinchilla is a rodent native to the Andes mountains renowned for its soft fur. External Links * 676}} View the comic * link|6891511}} View the discussion thread Category:To Girard's Gate